summer friday *sponsored by OnlyFans!*
if only
You may already know, as I can’t seem to stop talking about it, that I have had a real hell of a time trying to find and keep steady work over the past couple of years.
At first I wasn’t trying very hard to find and/or keep steady work. But now, when I do try (very, very hard), the only thing that I seem to find is … rejection. Over and over.
Or, at least, twice. In the past month.
Which must mean that I’m a big LOSER.
Right?
Wrong.
Because some thing are going really great! Debt Heads recently surpassed 100,000 downloads (!!!), which suggests that I (and Rachel) have a fair number of fans – even a few who are not-so-patiently waiting for us to give them more content and not afraid to publicly state as much.
This is an ego-centric conundrum. I’m apparently a big winner at having fans but a big loser at making money.
So, with my seemingly only marketable skill (writing) suddenly feeling decidedly unmarketable, perhaps it’s time to start thinking about how to make money by having fans. Like on Onlyfans.
Unfortunately, I’m a little late to the game. OnlyFans is a highly saturated market, with a reported 4.12 million creators using the app. Still, I do have some specific skills & tendencies that I think could potentially apply here.
In no particular order, please enjoy this brainstorm from me (and Rachel). Feel free to make suggestions of your own & seriously if anyone wants to pay me to break out into song at inappropriate times I am willing and ready.
LIST OF MY POTENTIAL OnlyFans PAGES:
Roast-issirie Chicken: where people pay me to roast them and I eat rotisserie chicken
Sing Sing: where people pay me to break into song every time I hear them say something that vaguely reminds me of a song lyric.
Moi Aussi: where French speakers pay to practice their English with me while I speak in my infamous Australian accent.
The Body Politic: where shy people with strong politics pay me to dress in a sexy outfit and debate loudmouths at parties when politics inevitably come up.
Mouthing Off: where I take a little too much Adderall and talk at you until it wears off.
Toes-t of the Town: where I eat toast, but with my toes (I make great toast.)
Love Language: where I rattle off an obscure vocabulary word every 60 seconds (fun fact, this is a real thing I did when I pledged my sorority in college and not to brag but I did win best pledge so.)
Mini Facial: where I just stare into the camera looking slightly agitated like this:
Lactose Lounge: where I list off all of the things that made my stomach hurt that day (in loungewear???)
Daddy Issues: where people pay to to reply to them exclusively in puns.
And my personal favorite:
What????? where I sit out of earshot from the computer and scream WHAT??? because I can’t hear anything you say
with love to you and to all OnlyFans creators working hard for the money,
J+R
